


Scientific Method Acting

by elwinglyre



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Groping, Humor, M/M, Snogging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 08:57:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10082474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elwinglyre/pseuds/elwinglyre
Summary: Sherlock finds an experiment in an old book that includes a potion that makes someone fall in love (as in Midsummer Night’s Dream) except Mrs. Hudson reads Sherlock’s open book and decides to mess with Sherlock.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Sherlock Challenge March 2017: Experiment Gone Wrong
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: [**elwinglyre Tumblr**](https://elwinglyre.tumblr.com/)!

When Sherlock originally bought the book, he’d thought of the experiments within as just oddities of some eccentric scientific mind. However, in the weeks since that it sat upon his shelves, he thought more and more about its contents on those yellowed stained pages and about one experiment in particular. The more he dwelled on the details of the experiment, the less he began to think of it as some sort of magic or hocus pocus. He found himself safely leafing through the old pages and hoping, which he acknowledged was most unscientific. It was not without some reservations that Sherlock slowly began to secure all the chemicals and substances necessary. The test subject? Sherlock had researched the subject extensively--but not enough. Never enough. Sherlock’s goal was to replicate the past outcomes and validate the hypothesis: If prepared elixir referred to in _The Book of Panaceas_ as “Heartseasement” (IV) is introduced to a subject, then said subject (DV) will fall into the state defined as “love” with the first person that subject looks upon.

If the outcome of said experiment was self-serving, Sherlock could and would live with those results.

It had taken Sherlock months to get all of the components needed and another month after completion to work up the nerve to introduce the dependent variable to the independent variable. What he didn’t foresee was the extraneous random variable called Mrs. Hudson.

\-----------------------

“Let’s get to heart of the matter,” Mrs. Hudson said. “You know you love him. You always have. Sherlock loves you, but he’s afraid. When I stumbled upon that dusty old book open to a love potion and read it over, I knew what he had in mind--he doesn’t want to risk rejection. He’s afraid to say the words himself. You know as well as I do that Sherlock never does anything the easy way.” She rolled her eyes and laughed. “Leave it to Sherlock to use find some archaic experiment to help him find a way to love without experiencing pain. Love is painful, but you already know that don’t you, dear?”

John nodded. She was so right. He’d gone through so much pain caused by the two of the people he loved most in this world. Other than Rosie, that is. He supposed she would give him a good share of heartache in the years to come too. John knew that a continued life with Sherlock would be much the same or more.

“Yes, I understand why Sherlock would be afraid, but having me drink some kind of concoction to make me fall hopelessly in love with him? That’s wrong, and even Sherlock knows that.”

“Yes, well, Sherlock tends to have tunnel vision when he gets an idea in his head. He’s been all about you two moving back into Baker Street. This is his way to get you back in his life.”

“He is in my life.”

“But he doesn’t see it that way, dear.”

“He should know how I feel.”

“Listen to you, John. You can’t even say the words! You’re as bad as him!”

He knew Sherlock wanted John and Rosie and him living back at Baker Street, but John couldn’t bring himself to leave the house he and Mary shared. It felt like he was taking what was left of Rosie’s mother from her.

“The problem is that you boys never tell each other how you feel--no wonder Sherlock went to these extremes. Sherlock’s idea of making you love him like he’s Puck--it’s a bit silly and romantic, but not right. Love shouldn’t be forced.”

John knew he should be angrier at Sherlock than he was. He was a bit shocked when Mrs. Hudson told him about the experiment. But really, Mrs. Hudson was right, this was Sherlock. He experimented on John once before, and it was not good then and it was still not good. And he had to admit that Mrs. Hudson was right--that in a way, it was a bit romantic. While this whole magic potion seemed more like magic than science, John figured it must have _some_ scientific basis.  And Sherlock could be bit of a nutter at times, but soaking his favorite tea in it? That was akin to blasphemy!

What did upset John was that Sherlock couldn’t believe that John loved him. He cursed whoever made Sherlock feel he was unworthy of love. But that’s not a detail John would share with Mrs. Hudson. He’d learned to repress his own feelings a long time ago, thank you. No need to go baring them for the world to see.

“So what do I do with all this information--certainly not let him go through with this--” John said.

A sly grin spread across Mrs. Hudson’s face. Awww--she had a plan in store for Sherlock that would set this all to right, John knew it!

“So what do you propose I do?” John asked.

“We turn this about and set him on his head. Give him a bit of his own medicine,” she said. “I’d say a bit of jealousy is called for here. He needs to be brave and tell you how he feels, but he needs to be pushed to do it.”

John felt like he was in the middle of one of Sherlock’s crazy plans instead of scheming with Mrs. Hudson. “What do you have in mind?” he asked.

“When Sherlock gives you the tea, don’t look at him. Instead, stand up and turn away from him, then stumble and knock over the kitchen chair. That will be the signal for me to hurry upstairs. I’ll pretend I’m coming up to see what the commotion is, and you’ll see me when I walk into the kitchen.”

“And what if the potion really works! It seems insane, but Sherlock seems to think it will! I’d be in love with you!”

“John, you know you’ve always been half in love with me already,” she joked. “Not to worry. It’s not going to work. I’ve already switched the tea. I replaced it with your untainted bags of tea--you’ll be getting your usual Earl Grey. He’d soaked them in the potion, you see--he thinks he can hide things from me. That young man always underestimates me. You’ll just need to act convincingly. I know I can fool Sherlock. You’ll have to do it too. Can you do it?”

“Yes,” he said and winked at her, “I think I bloody well can.”

\---------------------------

For weeks John watched Sherlock carefully whenever tea was served. He reasoned that Sherlock would not chance having John accidentally using the doctored bag when he was not present. Sherlock, uncharacteristically, didn’t demand John make tea. So one evening after a case, Sherlock asked if John would like a cuppa, John said yes, John knew this was it. He got up to go the kitchen table as Sherlock made the tea.

All went exactly as planned. John knocked over the chair, and Mrs. Hudson ran up (he swore she had some sort of sixth sense) and he made sure his eyes fell on her face first.

And he was love struck--or at least he hoped Sherlock thought he was. His eyes never left Mrs. Hudson’s as he pretended to swoon a bit, then put a silly grin on his face. He licked his lips as he stepped haltingly forward.

“Why is it that sometimes people overlook what is right before them?” John said. “ Mrs. Hudson, _you_ are incredibly attractive woman. I’ve always adored you, but I never realized how deep that went until now.”

John noticed that Sherlock looked almost as alarmed as Mrs. Hudson.

“John, what’s wrong with you?” Mrs. Hudson asked, stepping back as John drunkenly moved closer, ignoring her personal space.

“Nothing’s wrong with me! In fact I’ve never felt so right in my entire life. It’s you! It’s been you all along and I never knew,” he said, leaning in to smell her neck.

“John!” she giggled, batting him away.

“When you laugh like that, it makes my world stop!” John bit his lip. Maybe that was a bit over the top. Sherlock stepped next to him and an expression of utter horror covered his face. Well, he maybe not too far over the top.

“Sherlock, what’s wrong with him?”

“I don’t know what’s come over him,” Sherlock lied. “He seems drunk, but he’s been with me all afternoon on a case--rather boring case, I might add--and  hasn’t had a drop.”

“Maybe somebody drugged him,” she suggested, looking at the table. “You have so many enemies. Oh, dear, you had tea. Do you think it’s that?”

John stepped on her toe in alarm at the mention of tea.

“Ouch! John! Do be careful,” she said, then looked over to Sherlock. “Should we take him to hospital?”

“There’s nothing wrong with me that your love won’t cure!” 

“Oh, my!” she exclaimed and actually blushed. John marveled at how well she acted. “Don’t you think you should be getting home to Rosie?”

“You are such an inspirational woman, so elegant and demure,” John continued. “You’re a gift, do you know that? A big, sparkling gift to the world. Isn’t that right, Sherlock? You know what else she is?”

Lines. He needed lines...John grabbed Mrs. Hudson’s hands and pulled her up to his chest.

“No, but I’m certain you’re about to tell us both…” Sherlock groaned.

“Close your eyes, give me your hands,” John sang to her, falling to his knees, “do you feel my heart beating? Do you understand, do feel the same? Am I only dreaming? Is this burning, an eternal flame?”

“My god, next you’re going to break out singing that she’s your sunshine on a sunny day,” Sherlock said, disgustedly.

“Sherlock, I didn’t know you were so keen on pop music,” she said, laughing trying to get John to let go of her hands. “If he’s not ill, this must be some sort of joke. Well, it has gone too far--let me go!”

John released her hands, and she retreated toward the door.

“My love for you is no joke,” John said, following her on his knees. “I love you! I don’t know why I never realized it until now, but I do. Mrs. Hudson, please don’t go! I’ve never met anyone like you! I can’t live without you. I need you, Mrs. Hudson. Please don’t leave me.”

“John, this has gone too far. This is a mistake,” Sherlock said.

“I think I’d better leave you two to sort this out,” she said, shutting the door in John’s face.

“Yes, I think you should,” Sherlock said.

“This is no mistake!” John called out. He decided it wouldn’t be too much if he banged his head a few times against the door while still on his knees. “See what you did, Sherlock? You chased the woman I love away. You’re always doing that.”

Alright, he may have gone too far with that statement, considering the shattered expression on his face. He decided he didn’t want to see the rest of the fallout and jumped up and ran after “the woman he loved.”

________________

John spent the next day with Rosie and texted Sherlock, mooning after her. He got a sitter and headed over to mess with Sherlock a bit more.

Mrs. Hudson slipped out to buy groceries, but when she returned she found Sherlock lounging in her kitchen.

“I was out of tea,” Sherlock said, taking a sip. “I hope you didn’t mind but I borrowed some of yours. Would you like a--” Sherlock stopped mid-sentence. “Mrs. Hudson, I never noticed before what beautiful eyes you have.”

She recognized immediately that either Sherlock knew about the whole ruse and was pulling her leg, or he really was under the power of the potion. It would be hard to determine since Sherlock was such a consummate actor.

“Where is John?” she asked.

“Who cares about him,” Sherlock said, taking her in his arms, bending her backwards and kissing her smack on the lips. “You look ravishing today and the ravishing must be ravished, don’t you think?” he asked as he ducked into kiss her again, and she promptly kneed him in the groin. He yelped and grabbed his crotch.

She heard the door open. “John! Help!”

“What is going on?” John said, rushing in.

“He’s kissing me with tongue!” Mrs. Hudson said. “And it’s incredible!”

“What are you doing kissing her! You're supposed to be kissing me!” John said to Sherlock, tugging his arm.

“A-ha! I’ve got you!” Sherlock said, coming up for air and in the process nearly dropping Mrs. Hudson to the floor. She stood fanning her face while John stomped back and forth in front of the two “lovers.”

“I knew it was a ruse from the very start--” Sherlock said.

“Oh, and I was so hoping for some added slap and tickle,” said Mrs. Hudson disappointed. She really was rather flushed, and this was all so exciting.

“Mrs. Hudson!” John said, shocked as he turned to Sherlock. “If you knew it was an act from the start, why not just come out and say so!”

“You both were so incredibly entertaining. But you two looked like you needed rescuing, so that’s when I decided to have a bit of fun too. Just know that you never fooled me for a moment.”

“I don’t believe you,” John said, crossing his arms. “At least not at first.”

“I knew Mrs. Hudson spied my _The Book of Panaceas_  open, and that she swiped the tea! She was most obvious,” Sherlock said. “That’s when I switched it.”

“You didn’t give me the real potion, did you?!” John said.

“Of course not. I decided to play along and see what you both had planned. As I said, you two were quite the act--although Mrs. Hudson was much more convincing.”

“Yes, well I played Lady Macbeth at university,” she said. “I got a standing ovation.”

“Yes, you were good, but John, you are a bit of a ham.”

“Is that so!”

“You _did_ believe my acting, however,” Sherlock smiled.

“Yes, well most of your life is an act, so it comes naturally.” John couldn’t help but be a bit snarky whenever Sherlock got full of himself.

“Enough!” Mrs. Hudson said, her hand on her hips. “You two stop this. I been watching you both dance around each other for years. Sherlock,” she said turning to him and pointing her finger in his face. “Just admit how you feel about John. Out with it! You could at least give him as good a snog as you just gave me!”

Sherlock rolled his eyes. “Very well,” he said, and grabbed John by his jumper and kissed him hard on the lips. “There!” he said.

“That was nothing like the one you gave me! Again!”

“I agree,” John said. “She at least got some tongue.”

“If I must,” Sherlock said, acting put out. He pulled John in again, this time cupping the back of John’s head and slipping his other arm around his waist. Lips met. Mouths opened. Moans progressed. Bodies folded in together.

After some moments of intense snogging, Mrs. Hudson cleared her throat. “That will do. Now you boys have one other step to complete. John, you first.”

The two reluctantly parted. John’s cheeks were pink and Sherlock’s mouth wet and pouty. Mrs. Hudson was quite pleased with herself.

“But that wasn’t the plan,” John complained.

Mrs. Hudson just laughed, and said, “Tell him those three words. Right now John Watson!”

John turned to Sherlock. “Yes. Alright, Mrs. Hudson. If I must.”

“If it’s that much of a burden to say it, you might as well not,” Sherlock said, pouting even more. Of course Mrs. Hudson knew those were the exact words Sherlock would use to push John to say it. He was such a clever boy.

“Alright, yes, you bloody wanker, I love you.” John looked down at his feet as he said it, then up again into Sherlock’s eyes. “I love you,” he whispered.

“Much better. Now you, Sherlock.”

“I…” Sherlock said, “love…” he continued, “the way your hair looks with all that product.”

“ _Sher_ -lock!” _Honestly_ , thought Mrs. Hudson, _sometimes she’d like to kick that young man_.

He stood up straighter and looked in John’s eyes, then stepped forward. “John, I...I’ve always loved you.” He swallowed. “I always will.”

“And…” Mrs. Hudson said.

“And I Iove Rosie too. I want you both to come home. I need you home. Here at Baker Street.”

“I want to come home.” John sniffed. Mrs. Hudson was happy to see tears in John’s eyes. There. She’d accomplished her mission.

“Now you two go upstairs,” Mrs. Hudson said, walked up to her kitchen cabinets, opened her towel drawer and pulled out a tin. She opened it up and pulled out a tea bag.

“Is that…?” John asked.

“Yes, it is,” she said, dandling it in from of Sherlock’s face. “What? Did you really think that I didn’t know you took it, Sherlock?” The boys always underestimated her. He reached out to take it back, but she dropped it back into the tin. “I think I’ll keep it. You never know when it will come in handy. Do you think I might get a go with Pierce Brosnan with this?”

Sherlock laughed. “I don’t think you’d need the tea.”

“Upstairs with you both!” she said, pushing them out her door and shutting it behind them.

\---------------

“It’s called Heartseasement,” Sherlock said, touching John’s cheek. “I’m sorry that I ever thought to use it on you. I should have trusted you--us.”

“And Mrs. Hudson.”

“Yes, and Mrs. Hudson.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Kudos and comments welcome and appreciated!


End file.
